Not Out of anger

Today I am writing for the 5th and the 6th. I started writing yesterday’s post and I realized I was writing out of anger and that my words were being harsh and that was unnecessary for the situation. I can’t take things personally when it is not in my control. 

Yesterday was a rough day for me because I was working my bar manager job so I was surrounded by product that I generally would have been consuming at the same time.  It was tempting to crack open a Cutwater cocktail but I didn’t do it. I also had planned to have people with me, which would have helped with controlling the temptation, but they couldn’t make it.   It’s ok though, I proved to myself I am stronger than I give myself credit for and continued to do my job and not subject myself to the intoxication level I would have stooped to before. 

So that was yesterday, frustrating and tempting, a day that would have normally resulted in me drinking and starting that spiral. But alas I overcame it.

Today, the 6th, has been a good day.  I got to sleep in before work and work has been an easy day today. I am noticing my sleep is getting better.  I wake up each day feeling more energetic and ready to start the day. I also feel a little clearer when I wake up. My ADHD brain is not RACING when I wake up. Don’t get me wrong, my ADHD brain is still going a million miles a minute - and I wouldn't have any other way - but it doesn’t feel like it is waking up in “flight mode.” My mind used to wake up in a panic trying to figure things out and piece together lapses in time, what happened the night before, did I do something or say something dumb, etc. but now it doesn’t start the day out in that manner. 

Today I have work, my primary bill paying job, and when I get home I am going to cook some dinner and then work the bar manager job a bit.  It is a long busy day but it is a rewarding feeling. I enjoy what I do and at times it does get overwhelming, but that is part of the crazy of a “Spicy Brain,” right?

-A